Aloha 👋🏻
Welcome to the On the Waves of Change newsletter. The place where quiet people find their voice.
Most little girls dream of being a ballerina. Anna did not.
Today's lines belong to Anna Homola, ballet dancer and founder of the fashion label Annlock.
She danced at the National Theatre and at Laterna magika. Roles other ballerinas dream about all their lives - Venus and the Black Swan. And her first piece of clothing? She sewed it herself on her grandmother's sewing machine. For the joy of it. Then her friends said they wanted one too - and that is how her path as a fashion designer at Annlock began.
And above it all, one sentence Anna says about herself.
"The dreams I never let myself dream came true."
Anna never dreamed about ballet. She grew up with two older brothers and the world of girls felt a little foreign to her. Her parents signed her up for dance so she could burn off some energy. And she did not find a dream in it - she found love.
"What I love about dance is that I paint the music with my body. That suddenly I become part of it."
I believe this conversation will both comfort you and give you a push. It is about the courage to do things even when you are not sure you are up to them.
What came up in the conversation (and why it is worth a listen):
A bomber, not a snowflake
Conservatoire is no walk in the park. School from eight in the morning until half past seven in the evening. Three two-hour dance blocks a day, with studying squeezed in between.
And then puberty. The little girl became a woman - and in the ballet studio that is not forgiven.
"I used to hear that I was a bomber. That I was not a snowflake in The Nutcracker, but a bomber."
Anorexia and bulimia appeared all around Anna. Luckily they passed her by. Why?
"I came home, my mum was there, she hugged me and held me. That meant everything to me."
You slog for eight years and then they tell you: sorry
This is a subject people do not talk about much. Most ballet graduates never work in the field - there are few places and the career is short.
"At thirty you are simply an old ballerina."
Eight years of hard graft and then you are standing at a crossroads. Anna became pregnant at thirty-six and motherhood became a natural, if not entirely longed-for, exit from the stage. Covid then drew the final line - she danced her beloved Venus for the last time without knowing it.
The dreams I never let myself dream
The White Swan, Odette - dance roles Anna did not even let herself want.
"I thought I was not good enough for it."
And they found her themselves. Not because she went after them - but because she danced with love and was completely absorbed in it. Odile, the black seductress from Swan Lake. Venus in The Magic Circus at Laterna magika. Roles others only dream of.
Which dream are you not letting yourself dream?
Hair caught in a button, and helplessness on stage
Anna was taught to treat stage fright as part of the craft. But it has to drop away the moment you step onto the stage. Sometimes, though, something comes along that you simply cannot play your way out of.
"I was dancing a duet and my hair got caught in my partner's button. I decided I would happily scalp myself to get free. It did not work."
They finished the dance together, hooked into each other. The show must go on.
Can you cope when things do not go to plan - do you improvise, or do you freeze?
Grandma's sewing machine
After maternity leave Anna dug out her grandmother's old sewing machine and made her first piece for herself. Her colleagues wanted one too. And that is how Annlock came about.
The name? Pure chance. Her husband accidentally asked whether she had already bought that "Annlock" - he had swapped the syllables in the word overlock. And because her name was in it, it stuck.
She names her pieces after ballet moves. Take the one she is wearing during our recording - a top you can turn around and wear with the neckline at the front or the back. And what is it called?
"What turns? A pirouette!"
That is how naturally she connected the worlds of fashion and ballet.
Our bodies are not perfect
Ballet is about perfection. Only our bodies are not perfect. Anna spent her whole life learning to hide that - today she turns it around.
"Ninety per cent of women have some sort of 'I can't wear that'. I thought it was only us ballerinas."
With her clients she stands in front of a mirror - the same mirror where for years in the studio she watched every millimetre to look perfect. Now she has turned it around. She helps them see what they consider a flaw as their strength - so that in the mirror they finally catch a glimpse of the beauty she sees in them.
"At first they argue with me - in the mirror they see what they have believed for years. I try to help them see the reality that I see."
And she hands out the same energy to women she does not know, out on the street.
"When I see that something suits a woman, I just tell her - and she lights up completely. I do it mostly on the days when I feel worst."
What do you see in yourself as a flaw - and what if it is actually your strength?
What else comes up in the conversation?
- Razor blades in pointe shoes: what rivalry backstage in ballet actually looks like.
- Motherhood, business and therapy - three personal growth projects at once.
- How a ballerina becomes a designer without ever planning it.
- Why it is worth having goals and letting yourself dream - and how Anna is learning that alongside her daughter.
Happy reading, happy listening - until next time. 👋🏻
Take good care.
Anna and Viki are waving at you.